The Impostor
We spend our lives impersonating who we
think others want us to be, and we end up as
living impostors. Carlton
Pearson
What small faith I have has given me what
artistic courage I have. My theory was that
God already knows everything and cannot be
shocked. And only truth is useful. Only truth
can be built upon. John
Updike
We don't fear death as much as we fear
coming to the end of our lives and realizing
that we never lived.
After a life-altering experience in Rwanda, Pearson had growing feelings that the doctrines he had been taught (and preached) no longer felt true for him. Even so, he believed that he could not allow himself to examine these feelings, mostly out of concern that he would "let down" his congregation.
After all, didn't they expect him to supply ready and comforting answers?
Would his questioning eventually lead him to abandon his faith?
If he was no longer the "preacher with answers," where would he find his identity?
Pearson decided, finally, that he could no longer live with the pressure of feeling like a hypocrite, and abruptly left the church. Alan Lurie writes, "Looking back, Pearson discovered that his reluctance to question the prepackaged doctrines that he had been given, and fear of examining his assumptions about how a man of faith should act, actually diminished his faith and his sense of purpose."
Today, Pearson preaches at a new church, where he speaks from his heart and soul without fear of duplicity.
I can relate to Carlton. You know, feeling like an impostor.
Here's the deal. Every single one of us wants to be at home in our own skin--to live authentic lives.
And yet, it is very easy to live from a "false self."
You know the litany. Call it what you like, social acceptance or social routine or public opinion or labeling. It all boils down to this, "Whom are you going to dance for?"
There are so many ways we get derailed. And we create elaborate scaffolding, needed to prop up our image.
Or our ego.
Or our glittering images.
Or our fear of imperfection.
Psychologists have actually given it a name. They call it The Impostor Complex (Pauline Clance in 1978).
It all starts when we buy the myth that this--stuff, accouterments, creeds, achievements--is all there is to my identity. And when I succumb to a glittering image, I fall short of my best self.
We live in a world bombarded by messages that who we are now, is NOT enough. At a church where I was lecturing, a woman asked me, "What are you going to talk about?"
"Chocolate and God and the dance of life," I told her.
"But you're not Catholic," she pointed out.
"I feel guilty sometimes, does that count," I said.
She scrunched her eyebrows. And continued, "I mean how can you talk about these things if you are not part of the Church?"
I almost told her that I would convert if she bought enough copies of my new book (power-of-pause), but the irony may have been lost. So instead I said, "Okay, I'll make you a deal. Listen to me first. You can try to convert me later, while we're eating chocolate."
It's easy to allow this hunger for acceptance to seep into our psyche. And if such expectations or labels are not enough, we carry some shame that we should try harder. We feel undeserving, or under a microscope, or inadequate. Just like the pressure-cooker Pearson experienced.
So. Stop.
Literally.
Just stop.
I know that Pearson's change did not come from just "trying harder." True change only happens when we switch the focus from what is on the outside, to what is on the inside.
Richard Rohr reminds us, "Don't push the river." Which is another way of saying, don't get ahead of your soul.
The goal isn't to get somewhere.
The goal isn't about forcing something to happen.
The goal is to be in harmony with the gifts that are already given.
The goal is to fall into your life. This life.
When we feed the inner life (that part of ourselves that yearns to be connected with something larger than our own ego), there is new freedom to inquire, doubt, question, connect, forgive, risk, receive, revel, celebrate and live unafraid. And eat chocolate with people who are wonderfully different.
I don't want to pretend that it is easy. (For all our whining about wearing the ill-fitted suit of public opinion, the perks aren't too bad or we wouldn't play along.)
Have you read Graham Greene's The Power and the Glory? I recommend it (amazon.Power-Glory). Greene portrays a whiskey priest, who has come to see the light because his own life had become so dark (just like Pearson). To give up our "respectable" image may feel like (or actually be) a fall from grace. But in the end, we embrace the day from an authentic self. The very self that has been there all along.
But in summer there is everywhere the luminous sprawl of gifts, the hospitality of the Lord and my inadequate answers as I row my beautiful, temporary body through this water-lily world. Mary Oliver
What I fear most is despair
for the world and us: forever less
of beauty, silence, open air,
gratitude, unbidden happiness,
affection, unegotistical desire.
Wendell Berry
O God,
we are one with you. You have made us one with you. You have taught us that if we are open to one another, you dwell in us. Help us to preserve this openness and to fight for it with all our hearts. Help us to realize that there can be no understanding where there is mutual rejection. O God, in accepting one another wholeheartedly, fully, completely, we accept you, and we thank you, and we adore you, and we love you with our whole being, because our being is your being, our spirit is rooted in your spirit. Fill us then with love, and let us be bound together with love as we go our diverse ways, united in this one spirit which makes you present in the world, and which makes you witness to the ultimate reality that is love. Love has overcome. Love is victorious.
Thomas Merton
Terry's new book is HERE,
Receive 35% off your order.
Use the discount code PAUSE.
THE POWER OF PAUSE: BECOMING MORE BY DOING LESS,
power-of-pause.htm
Any questions call 800-524-5370.
A TO-DO LIST:
1.Take the PAUSE assessment quiz.
loyolapress.com/assessment
2. Buy The Power of Pause
3. Recommend The Power of Pause to a friend
4. Write a review on Amazon.com
amazon.com/Power-Pause
Visit our publisher's site:
loyolapress.terryhershey
Reviews on The Power of Pause
New Review from Spirituality and Practice
spiritualityandpractice
newsroom.loyolapress.com
Sabbath Moments:
To See God In All Things
Born To Dance:
Live life fully from the inside out
BE INSPIRED!
Beginning this week -- Terry's NEW
BLOG. . .do less, become more. Watch for
it on terryhershey
Thai Pantene television
commercial. Its
simply brilliant. The story of a deaf and
mute girl who learns to play the violin
against all odds.
youtube.pantene
Bruce Springsteen, "Jesus Was An Only Son" -
Vh1 Live
youtube.Springsteen
FAVORITES from last week:
New
pictures of
Terry's garden.
TerrysGarden
Bruce Springsteen sings This Little Light of
Mine with The Sessions Band, Live in
Dublin (this will make you stand and clap and
sing along, even in your office)
youtube.bruce
THE RELAX, REFUEL,
RESTART RETREAT.
www.loyolapress.com/relax
The Relax, Refuel, Restart Retreat is a great
for anyone to rest,
re-energize, and
take steps to find balance in their busy
lives.
Call
773-281-1818 x
287
Register
Greater Seattle Area
Monday, September 21, 2009: Blessed Sacrament
Parish, Seattle, WA
Tuesday, September 22, 2009: St. Madeleine
Sophie Parish, Bellevue, WA
Wednesday, September 23, 2009: St. Nicholas
Parish, Gig Harbor, WA
Thursday, September 24, 2009: St. Stephen the
Martyr Parish, Renton, WA
Register
Find Terry in a city near you:
FINDTERRY
October 4-5, 2009
Columbus, Ohio
Put on your Dancing Shoes
www.fcchurch
October 24, 2009
Relax, Refuel, Restart Training 9 a.m. - 3
p.m.
First United Methodist,
Burlson, Texas
Contact: Ellen Bauman
Ellen@fumcburleson.org
817-295-1166
October 25, 2009
Highland Park United Methodist Church,
Dallas, Texas
Contact: Jeannie Tillman,
tillmanj@hpumc.org
214.523.2206
November 6 - 8, 2009
Retreat with Terry
Franciscan Renewal Center
Scottsdale, AZ
Becoming More by Doing Less
franciscanrenewalcenter
It's time to think about Religious Education
Congress, Anaheim, CA 2010 -- March 19-21,
2010
www.recongress.org/2010
www.recongress.org/2010/speakers
recongress.register
Share Our Site:
Look for this Share Box at the bottom of any
web page to email to a friend or to share on
Facebook or any social bookmarking site.
