Real
No man for any considerable period can
wear one face to himself and another to the
multitude, without finally getting bewildered
as to which may be the true.
Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet
Letter
Be who you are and say what you feel,
because those who mind don't matter and those
who matter don't mind. Dr.
Seuss
If you cannot be a poet, be the poem.
David Carradine
"And what will you have?" she asks cheerily.
"I want a hot dog," the boy tells her.
"No hot-dog," his mother interrupts. "Just give him whatever we ordered."
But the waitress focuses on the boy.
"Do you want ketchup on your hot-dog?" she asks.
"Yes!" the boy replies, with a happy smile. "Ketchup!"
"Coming up," the waitress promises, quickly turning toward the kitchen to deliver the order. There is an uncomfortable silence at the table. Then the boy turns toward his mother, and says, "Mom, she really thinks I'm real."
I feel his grin, and the unambiguous sensation: the realization that you are seen and affirmed.
It is not just about being "real." The boy understands, "I matter to someone. She sees me, no matter what."
To be seen and to be noticed are two different things altogether (unless your life goal is to be on the Jerry Springer Show). Yes, there is a difference between getting someone to notice me (pick any "Reality TV show"), and reveling or resting in the harbor or haven of "being seen." There's the rub; we live in a world that pushes us to be noticed. It is the urgency, the rush, and the pressure to play the role that gets attention.
At the baptism of Jesus (see the gospels of Matthew and Luke), he hears a voice saying, "This is my beloved Son in whom I am well pleased." Notice what the voice did not say.
It did not mention any of Jesus' titles or accomplishments.
Not the beloved Christ or Messiah or teacher or healer or preacher.
No.
Just Jesus.
My son.
It is enough.
That is what happens when grace is unleashed.
The sufficiency of that kind of grace escapes us in a world that craves attention. So we peddle false intimacy and turn value on its head. And we seek meaning in admiration for beauty, or exploits, or achievements. We are honored for our ambition, and complimented on our bent for perfectionism.
It's still been two thousand years, but it's hard to get past the question Jesus was asked (while on the cross), "Are you really the Messiah? Then get yourself down." In other words, "Impress me."
It's what we hear every day. "Impress me! Show me that you are somebody."
Well. A church called, and needed my resume this week. You know, for a speaking engagement. I suppose I have it around here somewhere. Instead, I sent them this quote from Oriah Mountain Dreamer; "It doesn't interest me to know what you do for a living or where you live or how much money you have, or with whom you have studied. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, and do what needs to be done. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, 'Yes!'"
Here's the deal: we don't do any favors in the church when we advocate a doctrine of perfectionism. I was taught, "be holy as your God is holy," which translates, "be perfect in your adherence to the laws of purity." (Basically, "Don't you dare screw up! Or there will be hell--literally--to pay.") I was never taught Jesus' radical new twist on the idea. He seemed to think "perfect" meant "whole" or "healed" or "healthy." Which is another way of saying that he claimed God isn't interested in our achievements, accomplishments, or successes. God isn't even all that interested in how holy and pure we can become. Because if God is the Spirit of love and compassion, then what God is really interested in, is how loving and compassionate we are becoming, at every stage of life, in every experience we have.
(In other words, perfectionism and ambition are nothing more than distractions, keeping us apart from the realm of God within, the place where we are most whole and compassionate. Maybe realizing that, is the only saving we are going to get. Maybe it's all the saving we need.)
Today I am in my garden. We are enjoying a warm early autumn day here in the Pacific Northwest. It is autumn cleanup day. Sunflowers punctuate our garden. They grow wherever a bird planted them. At the corner of my study is a sunflower cane with a single blossom. The flower is 12 inches in diameter. In mid-summer, the cane and flower stood well over six feet tall. Now, in autumn, it is bowed with age, deferential, respectful, its sturdy cane now bent so that the face is looking at the ground. The triangular foliage around the bloom forms a yellow bonnet. The leaves on the cane hang spent and mottled as if touched by fire. A spider web stretches from the sunflower face to the euphorbia plant three feet beneath. It looks like a netting or mesh that anchors, and secures the flower. Clusters of ivory-white Japanese anemone and the deep red leaves of the 'purple smoke bush,' flank the sunflower. Although it is past its prime, I decide I cannot remove the sunflower. I am drawn to its humble dignity. And its blemishes--and imperfections--are a measurement of its delicate beauty.
Quote for thought: "In analysis, the small and lonely child that is hidden behind his achievements wakes up and asks: 'What would have happened if I had appeared before you, bad, ugly, angry, jealous, lazy, dirty, smelly? Where would your love have been then? And I was all these things as well. Does this mean that it was not really me whom you loved, but only what I pretended to be? The well-behaved, reliable, empathic, understanding, and convenient child, who in fact was never a child at all?'" Alice Miller, The Drama of the Gifted Child
"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive.
But the Skin Horse only smiled. "The Boy's Uncle made me Real," he said. "That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always."
The Rabbit sighed. He thought it would be a long time before this magic called Real happened to him. He longed to become Real, to know what it felt like; and yet the idea of growing shabby and losing his eyes and whiskers was rather sad. He wished that he could become it without these uncomfortable things happening to him.
The Velveteen Rabbit, Margery Williams
Our Prayer:
A Time to Be Silent
There must be a time when we cease speaking
to be fully present with ourselves.
There must be a time when we exclude clamor
by listening to nothing whatsoever.
There must be a time when we forgo our plans
as if we had no plans at all.
There must be a time when we abandon conceits
and tap into a deeper wisdom.
There must be a time when we stop striving
and find the peace within.
Amen.
David O. Rankin (U.U. Minister San Francisco)
CLOSING WORDS
I feed myself.
I listen to the rain falling bright and furious.
Rain remembers its falling for a moment, rippling,
Then forgets itself in the sheeting, sliding, silence.
It's four-forty.
The sky reflects gray in the windows across the alley.
I know my life is not, and will not be profound
But I adore it anyway -
Books strewn and poorly fed,
Over-thought and occasionally betrayed;
I adore it.
It doesn't matter that the difference
between myself and the rain
is a matter of a little salt and some organization,
I love my skin and all it contains
Until the rain falls through it.
And I'll love it even then, if I may.
Kendra Ford
Terry's new book is HERE,
Receive 35% off your order.
Use the discount code PAUSE.
THE POWER OF PAUSE: BECOMING MORE BY DOING LESS,
power-of-pause.htm
Any questions call 800-524-5370.
A TO-DO LIST:
1.Take the PAUSE assessment quiz.
loyolapress.com/assessment
2. Buy The Power of Pause
3. Recommend The Power of Pause to a friend
4. Write a review on Amazon.com
amazon.com/Power-Pause
Visit our publisher's site:
loyolapress.terryhershey
Reviews on The Power of Pause
New Review from Spirituality and Practice
spiritualityandpractice
newsroom.loyolapress.com
Sabbath Moments:
To See God In All Things
Born To Dance:
Live life fully from the inside out
Sabbath Moment friend; There is a SURVEY
coming. . .it will be
headed toward some email boxes this
week. And I will be most grateful for your
feedback. Terry
BE INSPIRED!
Terry's NEW
BLOG. . .do less, become more. Watch for
it on terryhershey
Really. . .it's coming soon. . .I'm just
trying to figure out the technology.
Prayer of St. Francis by Sarah MacLachlan
youtube.Sarah
Green Day -- Unique Concert version with
Lyrics: Time of Your Life
youtube.com/greeenday
Piano rendition -- time of your life
youtube.com/piano
for fun: the dancing baby
www.collegehumor
FAVORITES from last week:
New
pictures of
Terry's garden.
TerrysGarden
Thai Pantene television
commercial. Its
simply brilliant. The story of a deaf and
mute girl who learns to play the violin
against all odds.
youtube.pantene
Bruce Springsteen, "Jesus Was An Only Son" -
Vh1 Live
youtube.Springsteen
Find Terry in a city near you:
FINDTERRY
October 4-5, 2009
Columbus, Ohio
Put on your Dancing Shoes
www.fcchurch
October 24, 2009
Relax, Refuel, Restart Training 9 a.m. - 3
p.m.
First United Methodist,
Burlson, Texas
Contact: Ellen Bauman
Ellen@fumcburleson.org
817-295-1166
October 25, 2009
Highland Park United Methodist Church,
Dallas, Texas
Contact: Jeannie Tillman,
tillmanj@hpumc.org
214.523.2206
November 6 - 8, 2009
Retreat with Terry
Franciscan Renewal Center
BOOK NOW. ONLY A FEW SPACES LEFT.
Scottsdale, AZ
Becoming More by Doing Less
franciscanrenewalcenter
It's time to think about Religious Education
Congress, Anaheim, CA 2010 -- March 19-21,
2010
www.recongress.org/2010
www.recongress.org/2010/speakers
recongress.register
Share Our Site:
Look for this Share Box at the bottom of any
web page to email to a friend or to share on
Facebook or any social bookmarking site.
