Broken Eggs
Heroics are ultimately easier to sustain
than dalyiness: the most significant and
dangerous problem that most people face is
how to get through a lifetime of ordinary
days. Walker Percy
'Man is born broken,' wrote Eugene O'Neil.
'He lives by mending. The grace of God is
the glue!' Which is a nice way of saying
that living is the healing. Vulnerability is
not a weakness. It is a strength. Very few
of us are tough enough to be soft.
Meryl Shain
"Momma, can I help?"
"Of course honey."
The little girl removes an egg from the carton, and does her best imitation of momma, cracking eggs into the bowl. The first egg breaks on the rim, half staying in the bowl, the other half of the egg, on the counter, and now sliding down the front of the cupboards. Undeterred, and delighted to be cooking breakfast with her mother -- "Look momma, I'm cooking," she squeals -- she smashes another egg against the bowl's rim, and then another.
After the fourth egg, her mother barks in exasperation, "Noooo honey, this is not a good idea. Not right now." I can feel the mother's exasperation. (There are moments in parenting, when regardless of the experts, there are, quite literally, no words.)
But here's the unforeseen and astonishing deal: Chances are, that any helpful two-year old will break some eggs. At some juncture in my life, I will need to choose. Do I want a tidy kitchen, or a relationship with people significant in my life (even the ones that include the mess)?
We've been led to believe (or we have assumed, or we have hoped) that real life happens after there is tidiness, or after the cleanup. (Lord knows you don't want to admit to any mess, especially of a personal or spiritual nature. You know, "I used to struggle with that problem, but, of course, not anymore." "When did you quit struggling?" "About an hour ago.")
(I remember the sermons of my youth, filled with that "carrot of heaven;" you know, when we get there---heaven---there will be no un-tidiness.)
It is true that messes unnerve some people more than others. But then, some people are just plain wired funny.
Our need for tidiness (orderliness, fastidiousness, agreeableness) comes in many forms:
--if there are questions, we want answers
--if there are struggles, we make resolutions
--if we experience unsightly emotions, we apologize ("I'm sorry," the woman told me wiping away her tears.)
--if there are impediments, we want no loose ends
--if there is a blunder or muddle, we are given to a compulsion to explain
But life is not about avoiding broken eggs.
Life is about presence (broken eggs and all).
Here's what is going on: While we are focusing our energy on the perfect picture (or omelet or relationship or child or church or faith), our mind is already into the future, and we cannot be here.
Now.
Present.
We have become skilled at (and consumed by) emotional multi-tasking.
It's not just the tidy part that motivates us. We want the assurance that it brings.
You know - NOW THAT THINGS ARE IN ORDER - I can enjoy life more. Anything having to do with personal growth, "we are GOING to get this right," we tell ourselves.
(After a weekend about the importance of Sabbath, one participant asked, "I get it, I need to do nothing, but what do I do while I'm there?")
We are a culture big on resolutions (you know, making ourselves better). So long as they fit into our plans. A man had resisted efforts to run with a jogging group until his doctor told him he had to exercise. Soon thereafter, he reluctantly joined the group for 5:30 a.m. jogs on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. After a month of running, it was decided that he might be hooked, especially when he said he had discovered "runner's euphoria." "Runner's euphoria," he explained, "is what I feel at 5:30 on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays."
What gives? If things are incomplete or messy or chaotic, of what are we afraid?
It is disturbing to me that we pass this on to our children. In his book Under Pressure: Rescuing our children from the culture of Hyper-parenting, "The modern belief that children need to be handled with extreme care, that the way to rear them is indoors, in places that are rigorously hygienic, accident-proof, climate-controlled, and under constant supervision."
(I read that there is a school on the east coast that has banned the game tag at recess, because it has been determined to be a health hazard. Really.)
Carl Honore is unequivocal, "Much of our thinking about children is shaped by fear--the fear that a shred of their potential will go untapped, that they will fail to shine, that they will be unhappy, lose their innocence, or dislike us, that they will grow up too quickly or too slowly, that they will reflect badly on us as parents."
As a parent, I understand that temptation, but more insidious, is the connection between our prerequisite for tidiness, and our need to hide behind the safety of labels. Eve Ensler writes in Insecure at Last, about working with a group of woman at the Bedford Hills Correctional Facility. She knew these women would be tough, difficult. And that every one was there because of a mistake. And it occurred to her that we have frozen each woman in her mistake. Marked her forever and held her captive.
"Mistakes do not have faces of feelings or histories of futures. They are bad. Mistakes. We must forget them, put them away. Then I came to Bedford. Slowly I began to meet the mistakes, one by one. They had soft, delicate voices, strong hands, beautiful faces, feisty spirits, outrageous laughs. These mistakes were mothers, daughters, sisters, aunts, Christians, Muslims, Buddhists, Jews--they had fantasies and toothaches and bad moods and funky T-shirts. There was the mistake and the woman."
There is a bad car accident on a busy street. A woman, from one of the vehicles, lay in the street, in need of medical assistance. A young woman bends over the body. A man rushes over. "Move away please," he tells the woman. "I've had CPR training. Let me handle this." He pulls out his training manual. After a minute, the young woman taps him on the shoulder and says, "When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm already here."
It's so nice, when we think we know everything. As a result, we want everything in its place. And the price we pay?
More often than not, we miss the Spirit.
My son, and any number of life's inconveniences will frustrate me. But someday I'm going to wish I paid more attention, during those occasions when I was undone by broken eggs.
I beg you...to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer. Rainer Maria Rilke
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I go among trees and sit still.
All my stirring becomes quiet
around me like circles on water.
My tasks lie in their places
Where I left them, asleep like cattle
Then what I am afraid of comes.
I live for a while in its sight.
What I fear in it leaves it,
And the fear of it leaves me.
It sings, and I hear its song.
Wendell Berry
Lord, the Air Smells Good Today
Lord, the air smells good today,
straight from the mysteries
within the inner courts of God.
A grace like new clothes thrown
across the garden, free medicine for everybody.
The trees in their prayer, the birds in praise,
the first blue violets kneeling.
Whatever came from Being is caught up in
being, drunkenly
forgetting the way back.
Rumi (13th Century)
NEWS and UPDATES
Greatest impromptu piano duet by a 90-year-old couple in the Mayo Clinic lobby you'll hear today
Mayo duet
This video shows the winner of "Ukraine's Got Talent", Kseniya Simonova, 24, drawing a series of pictures on an illuminated sand table showing how ordinary people were affected by the German invasion during World War II. Her talent, which admittedly is a strange one, is mesmeric to watch. She begins by creating a scene showing a couple sitting holding hands on a bench under a starry sky, but then warplanes appear and the happy scene is obliterated. It is replaced by a woman's face crying, but then a baby arrives and the woman smiles again. Once again war returns and Miss Simonova throws the sand into chaos from which a young woman's face appears. She quickly becomes an old widow, her face wrinkled and sad, before the image turns into a monument to an Unknown Soldier. A window frames this outdoor scene as if the viewer is looking out on the monument from within a house. In the final scene, a mother and child appear inside and a man standing outside, with his hands pressed against the glass, saying goodbye. The Great Patriotic War, as it is called in Ukraine, resulted in one in four of the population being killed with eight to 11 million deaths out of a population of 42 million. Kseniya Simonova says: "I find it difficult enough to create art using paper and pencils or paintbrushes, but using sand and fingers is beyond me. The art, especially when the war is used as the subject matter, even brings some audience members to tears. And there's surely no bigger compliment."
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Best Spiritual Books of 2009 -- By Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat spiritualityandpractice.books
Books to Nourish Your Soul from 2009 beliefnet.com/2009
Speaking of resolutions. Here a great New Year idea. Starting January 10 and continuing for 30 days (NOT TOO LATE TO SIGN UP), Loyola Press will send you an email pause reminder -- a powerful pause for each day. Gentle reminders as a way to trigger those parts of our soul that can stop and listen and pay attention.
There have been some gracious and heartfelt reviews for The Power of Pause. I am grateful. But as you know, the more the merrier. In other words, reviews on Amazon really do make a difference. IF you have read The Power of Pause, I would be honored. . .really. . .if you would jot a few thoughts to pass the word.
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FAVORITES from last week:
The full version of Martin Luther King's famous "I have a dream" speech. Comments disabled since many of them were hateful and racist. You can discuss the video here: mychurch.org/blog
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A compilation of clips of salsa dancing, from a variety of movies. The song is Rebellion by Joe Arroyo. This will make you glad to be alive. And will make your Baptist grandmother cry.
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Rest in the Garden. New Winter Photos from Terry's garden.
Now archived on Zenfolio. Check them out, and enjoy.
Terry's garden
RESOURCES TO HELP US PAUSE
Terry's idea for the day
Taking Time for yourself
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Continuing the pauses for the day:
7. For today, give up your cell phone, email,
and internet.
8. Write a poem about clouds or the ocean or
anything that makes you smile.
9. Buy a bouquet of fresh flowers for your
desk or home, and take time to arrange them
yourself.
10. Put a Hershey's Kiss on every coworker's
desk or on each family member's pillow close
to bedtime.
11. Try the Jewish practice of praying after
a meal, instead of before.
New Year Pauses
12. Click on the image below or this link to
watch a brief video for today's pause.
13. Set your cell-phone alarm to go off every
few hours. When it does, stop what you are
doing and think of something for which you
are grateful. Tell people that this is your
gratitude alarm.
14. Eat your evening meal by candlelight.
15. Sit still and watch the sun set.
1. NEW Terry videos with pause
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3. THE POWER OF
PAUSE: BECOMING MORE BY DOING
LESS,
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February 2
St. Bede the Venerable Parish
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Nativity of Our Lady Church
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La Reina High School
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Irvine, CA
February 11
Central Texas Conference UMC
Glen Lake Conference Center, Glen Rose, TX
February 14
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February 14
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February 28
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