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Surrender
There is a moment
when you know that life will never be the same
rearranged, somehow.
And you do not know why
or how
only that you choose to surrender your mental list
with its expectations
as if it is some kind of indenture with fate
or God.
Even so, you reach
somewhere deep inside
for the resources to cope,
certain that you have carried them
all these years
or that they have carried you
for moments such as this.
And you find nothing
or at least
not what you expected
now standing, to your chagrin,
empty-handed
incapacitated by neediness, or weakness
or shame.
Even so, you reach again.
And again,
to the same result
until you find a stillness,
a momentary pause that keeps panic at bay.
Again, you reach inside.
It is involuntary, this search for coping skills;
only to find yourself, after each unremitting endeavor,
unable to move or think
or with muted tongue, to articulate
your sorrow and unrest.
While, in the back of your mind,
a shadow of dread courses, unrelenting.
So. You lay down your arms,
or cave in, to what feels inevitable
as if watching hope rise into the air,
now wisps of smoke.
How did we lose, all capacity to be in control?
Or is it, that we have lost
the permission to be ordinary?
On this day,
when life will never be the same,
through the prism of our tears
we notice the way that the light reflects
and dances over the countertop
and our empty coffee mug.
An unbearable light, perhaps?
Or, a divine and grace-filled reminder
that even in our emptiness or loss,
we are never more fully alive.
4 Comments
>Wheeeeeeee says it all, I think. Love the poem.
>Terry:
This grace-filled surrender poem truly reflects a divine bearable light.
>This is from your heart…never stop writing poetry. You have an extraordinary gift.
>brought back loss of my husband, young only 45 – 'how do you cope'?
With faith – with surrender. You just do.
even when you are not sure you want to.
you just do. And God gives you glimpses
and hope stirs, not completely lost
Gracefilled moments of laughter and forgetting
and life builds itself around and within you
and you just do.